You can be overwhelmed and powerful at the same time

***A Spring Prayer***

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I am powerful no matter what the state of my home, body or to-do lists. Each day I take steps to tend to what needs my attention and what feeds me. I accept what gets done and what doesn’t, knowing that tomorrow is another day and the limitations of what I can do on my own. I welcome support - from the earth the heavens and those around me. I welcome breath - full breaths and laughter into my heart, belly and feet knowing that with each laughing breath I become more deeply grounded, in flow, and balanced in my rhythms - able to release, build, and follow through with what’s needed - trusting that everything will be complete in due course. I am already what I am becoming so I let my becoming guide my steps in faith that it will not mislead me.

Hi love,

A story and reflection prompts to bring perspective to what can sometimes feel like a disorganized, overwhelming time of seasonal transition.

Moment of honesty- my house has been embarrassingly DISGUSTING (not messy - DISGUSTING) the last few weeks. As I move through this Spring transition all that was laying dormant over the winter - caring for my house, maintenance on my car, taxes, tending to chronic pain, my relationships, creative projects, my business, caring for my nutrition - is now asking for my attention. The list of “to-do’s” is LONG and initially I couldn’t help but feel all the self deprecating labels that come with being unproductive! lazy, procrastinator, overwhelmed, disorganized, lazy, lazy, lazy, “I’m never going to get this all done.”!

AND THEN one morning I woke up and realized that although my thoughts have been feeling heavy - I HAVE BEEN SHIFTING!

My energy is rising day by day from it’s long winter’s rest. I’m up to the task of my to-do list and was making headway each day while also prioritizing what brings me joy. I’m getting to it. Slowly but surely. Some days I still binge watch netflix, stay up too late, look at my ex’s facebook page, eat nothing but toast, other days I feel totally on fire, some days I’m half and half.

The important thing is:

  • I shifted from focusing on what I wasn’t getting done to celebrating that in relationship to my “winter body” I was transitioning, gaining more energy, and tending to my tasks with JOY (rather than obligation - I am on a strict policy of tending to “to-do’s” when there is either excitement or “I can do this now” energy behind it)

  • I began to LAUGH at my frayed edges - binge watching moments, the mess of my house. In fact - I welcomed the mess with “Hello mess - how are you today? You are welcome here until you are gone.” This allowed me to have trust that what wasn’t being attended to wasn’t important yet - it could exist without judgement. In this place:

I COULD EXIST WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
This practice gave me the ability to wake up each morning connected to my agency, power, and gratitude for another day, another breath, what I have and what’s yet to come - regardless of how the previous days went and what laid before me.

I believe this is a window into what true agency looks and feels like. To be able to hold our incompleteness while feeling the strength of our unique power. To feel we are in fact more potent in the light of our imperfections. To be reassured by the fact that we can’t release all of our imperfections singularly while we live in a world with systems, expectations and constructs that are imperfect and down-right rigidly oppressive. Can we invite in gentleness towards the idea that we are exactly enough as we are.

REFLECTIONS TO ACTIVATE YOUR SPRING AGENCY:
Modify as needed, trust your intuition.

  • What’s your to-do list (physical, professional, emotional, personal)? Write it all down.

  • Record any unserving thoughts about your “productivity” level or “I should’s” along with any frayed edges in your life (anything that’s left untended) - see what comes - sometimes this is enough to create a shift as we see how hard we are being on ourselves.

  • Notice and distill are there any themes? Can you distill the thoughts and patterns? Are there any memories, visuals, sensations, feelings, a voice (perhaps a protective voice) that comes up? Make note.

  • Create a counter-narrative. What’s a natural voice or message you can share with yourself to counter any of the frayed edges or distilled noticings? Get creative here - it doesn’t have to be linear or logical. Like the example of greeting my home mess with warmth. What do your frayed edges need so they can exist without judgement?

  • Receive. Give yourself the gift of your counter-narratives - they are like rainbows leading to your agency. I like to make a list and keep it by my bed to wake up to as I’m patterning them into my psyche. Turn to them throughout the day - even when you are feeling good.

Strengthening our pathways to agency over defeating actions and thought patterns is something that happens over years. Yet Spring is a really powerful time of year to set the stage for this type of growth. I like to sprinkle into my rainbow narratives an overarching narrative of “What I do not get to this year I will step towards in the years to come.” .

If you are at a point where you are ready to powerfully deepen your experience of agency and shift into resiliency - enrollment is now open for Brownswell Spring Healing Packages. Stay tuned to a letter later this week with a promotional offer for this program along with Spring offerings from blessed colleagues and exciting news about my new practice space!

Wherever you are on your journey. I see you, I feel you, you are enough dear one.

All the blessings,
Kirin

PS: I cleaned my house today and it was SUPER fun!