This month we are beginning the process of welcoming all the parts of ourselves back home, into our bodies – our light, our dark, what we love, what we’ve cast away, even what we loathe. We will do this by strengthening the energy of belonging and softening in our bodies by slowing down, sinking into our bodies - especially our roots, and creating space. We are delving into deeper territories over the next few weeks. Take your time with these exercises - you do not have to do them all this week. They are rich and can be extended out over the weeks.
This month, I invite you to:
Read the poem in the introduction: record anything that arises - including questions
Listen to the intro audio where I share more about the energy of belonging.
Listen to the meditation - it's a tender one, gather what you need to feel safe. Also make sure you don't have anything to rush off to afterwards.
Try a movement-based exercise. The outline of the exercise is below if you ever want to re-visit it without listening to the audio.
Some days I wake up and I feel an inconsolable anxiety that
keeps me from feeling my legs, or it shows up as a clenching pit in my stomach
that pulls on all of my organs.
These moments used to be marked with
“Oh, Shit! What’s wrong with me?
What did I do wrong, or not do enough of?
Quick, make it go away!”
With guidance, support, and the patient teacher of earth time,
now when unexplainable tension arrives I’ve learned to say
“Hello ancestor. It’s been a while.”
Just as I would for my Biji during my yearly visits with her.
I open the door to my heart, make up a pot of chai,
and settle in for a timeless catch-up. The kind where you
are listening with all of your cells, the world
outside melting away.
Deadlines, meetings, ambition, my need to make an impact
don’t get it.
“Just take care of it, do your ‘self-care’ to fix it.
Why is that happening again? Set your boundary.”
“I am,” I say. “But not to make anything go away.”
Life is no longer divided into moments that are good and productive and moments that get in the way. I can now feel life’s many threads linking with one another, one moment shaping the next shaped by the moment before it, all weaving together into a quilt I can nestle and wrap myself in. A blanket of comfort so I may find connection, intimacy and always feel my heart inside of whatever moment life offers me.
I’m realizing when I close the door and hideaway the tea, in moments when my body calls for my attention, I’m closing the door to myself along with the stories of my ancestors that were left untended and unseen. I create a tear in my quilt that keeps it from offering the sanctuary I need to feel at home inside my body.
In service to what? False gods of productivity, ambition?
From where I stand in my life now, I can’t imagine a greater betrayal, yet I hold the moments where I didn’t know any better with tender love and care.
With time, I’m realizing just how big my family is,
to always keep a door open for unexpected long lost visitors.
May I have the strength and fortitude to continue to welcome all my relations in
May that strengthen and teach my heart and body how to follow suit with all that we cast away in our world.
REFLECTION
What is arising after reading this poem? How is the gift of heaviness modelled in nature?
AUDIO
Welcoming and belonging
MEDITATION
Facing our darkness
EXERCISE
Dancing into stillness
Think of a recent moment when you felt urgent/stimulated or a time when you felt tender, sad, or hurt. Is there a song that matches the energy? Get the song ready.
Before you begin, sit or stand still. Notice the quality of your energy at this current moment. How fast/slow is it? Where in your body is your energy concentrated? Are there parts of your body that you aren’t feeling as easily Notice your feet and legs, is your current energy lifted?
Now that you’ve done a bodyscan, play that song – let yourself move, dance and express your body from the perspective of the urgent energy. Express for as long as 10 minutes if needed. You can even build a playlist if you’d like.
After the 10 minute mark, pause again. Do another body scan. What’s the quality of your energy now?
Now breathe into your root, into your feet, into your legs, take a few deep inhales and elongate your exhales letting your body release as much as possible with each exhale into the ground. Move again, but let your root lead your movements.
After having let your urgency express itself, you’re now letting your root Slowly keep moving, letting your motions come from your feet, your legs, Do this for at least 10 mins, to the same song or songs you chose, or without music.
After 10 mins, pause again. Notice your body and energy now. How has the quality, and sensation shifted? How has it settled? Where do you feel more space? Where do you still feel resistance and agitation?
I like to end this practice by placing my hand tenderly anywhere that is needing a hug. Come to that place inside of you with the energy you would use to tenderly approach and welcome a loved one or a child that you love dearly.
TAKING IT DEEPER
Do this exercise at your sit spot, during your deep Winter time. If you’re outdoors, see if there is anything in the environment that wants to offer slow movements for you to try on as a balm for the moment you are in. Have a conversation with your new helper.
Write a letter in the form of a conversation between your rooted self and your anxious/hurt/activated self.
Animate your rooted self, what does it look like, sound like, feel like, what are it’s favorite songs, foods, textures, colors? Make an offering to it at your sit spot.
I really like to do this exercise when I am feeling grounded, thankful, and relaxed as well. It strengthens the pathways that let me feel gratefulness, compassion and space even in hard times.
AUDIO
Dancing into stillness
Sit Spot Noticings
It was a cold cold very snowy January in the last few weeks of the month. The air has warmed up a bit which lets me stay outside longer. The warming and melting from our last snow has made the snow and ice slushy, wet and still very icy! You cannot run through it, you cannot rush through it, you must walk carefully and deliberately or else you’ll fall on your tushy! Which isn’t all so bad either if you can laugh at yourself afterwards :) I’m noticing how it’s harder to notice the edges of things - like where the banks of the river end and the river begins! I like the boundlessness of it as Winter asks us to go into tender territory inside of ourselves. The earth says, what happens if you let your body take down the walls for a bit, what might you find? What other life might you merge with?
The colors, oh gosh Winter really does bring color in a way that spring and summer can’t. There aren’t many colors, but with the leaves and green life offered back to the soil, there are streaks of bright bold textures and shades that can’t help but stand out. Their regal, golds, coppers, deep red, yellow, the coats of red cardinal birds popping out with vibrancy in a back drop of bright snow. The snow, river and even the brown branches showcase layers of shades, there are even some winter flowers that can’t help but shine in this landscape. I feel the regality of my own body, of vulnerability, of baring myself. There is an organic appreciation emerging in my body for my own frozen, wintery, tender places as I keep watching the earth in Winter. If the earth, in it’s most frozen, dying state can be beautiful, surely so am I and my own frozen wounded landscapes. May I remember more and more I am the earth, beautiful in all of my stages.
